The definition of motherhood

Week One.

Motherhood I have very quickly come to realise
is not what I had anticipated.
I have not become my mother
nor my grandmother.
I am not like my sister or aunties or cousins.
Motherhood is not a job
that you undertake and perform.
It cannot be learnt through a course
or copied from another.
My techniques for mothering will never be exactly
the same as another persons.

This is because I am myself.
I am indeed a unique soul
with a unique personality and wairua.
Therefore, how I choose to mother
is completely dependent on who I am as a person.
How I hold my child, how I smile, cuddle,
encourage and teach;
I will do so through the lenses of who I am.

Having come to this realisation has meant for me
two opposite responses;

Utter relief.
I do not need to compare myself to anyone
simply because there is no one to compare myself to.
How I parent is right - for me and my child.

Utter terror.
There is no course I can take,
no book to read, no guide to follow.
How I parent is different to anything
anyone has ever done before.

Luckily, I am also surrounded
by amazing mothers.

My mother
grandmother
aunties
cousins
sisters
friends
neighbours
colleagues

I can take lessons learnt;
thoughts shared;
experiences given;
gain knowledge on how they mother,
and in turn, understand how I want
to mother my own child.